You start your holiday with excitement and energy. Woo-hoo! No more work for two weeks, we're off!
How long does that feeling last? When do the arguments start? Unless you're off back-packing by yourself, you'll be either with friends or family or both.
Here's typically what happens;
Day 1 - excitement, chatter, interest in other people, sharing plans, news and celebrating
Day 2 - more of the same, just a little slower but you're still all on best behaviour
Day 3 - starting to get tired, needing a little more space and time, starting to make less effort towards each other
Day 4 - the arguments start. You can no longer maintain the being on best behaviour at all times. You start to say what you really think. Others do the same. A few disagreements maybe. Maybe a full blown out row or face off
Day 5 - you start to adjust to your real travelling companions, their needs and wants, your own needs and wants, your new environment and living space, maybe a few apologies, a few honest and frank conversations
Day 6 - now you're all just being yourself and relating to others in a truthful way, you start to find ways to enjoy yourselves together on this new level
Day 7 - you're more relaxed, start to enjoy the holiday for what it really is
Day 8 onwards - you're having a great time
Does that ring a bell? Have you ever been in a holiday situation like that?
The pattern repeats itself whenever a new member joins the group or there is some kind of instability such as a change in environment. You all go back a few steps until you readjust.
The pattern has a name, you might have heard it before... Form, Storm, Norm, Perform
Form - the honeymoon period, everyone is on their best behaviour
Storm - the truth comes out, friction and strife
Norm - adjusting to the reality of the group
Perform - getting the best out of the group in a truthful way
This pattern doesn't just apply to holidays. It applies to any new collaboration of two or more people.
It applies to relationships. Remember those first 6 months? That's the form period. Some people come off that 6 month period wondering what happened. You're suddenly arguing about things you never used to argue about. Here's the truth - it's completely normal to have these arguments (storm). You need to get through them and accept the other person for who they truly are (norm) before you can be strong as a couple (perform)
It applies to companies. New people join a company and go through their own form storm norm perform before they truly settle. Some people just get out at the storm stage but others will persist and that's the route to performance.
It applies to projects. There's always a doom and gloom middle part of the project where the project manager feels like it's never going to happen. But it does.
It applies to sport. Setting out (form) on the path to glory (perform) requires a lot of soul searching and pain as you put the training in (storm and norm) to become the athlete you want to become.
In applies to studying. Learning a new skill is exciting at first (form), but you realise that it's very difficult to commit and put the hours in (storm) and until you manage to do that consistently (norm) you won't succeed (perform).
I've observed this pattern many many times in life and it's helped me enormously. When the euphoria of a new start wears off I think "hey - this is perfectly normal and to be expected - let's keep going" and it gives me strength. My expectations are more realistic and I'm less prone to reacting badly to when things go wrong. I had to learn this the hard way. Simon, my manager when I was at Eurocamp said observantly, "David, you don't like it when things go wrong, do you?" He was right of course. That's still the case, I like to get things right first time. Now I realise that is an ideal and the real world will hit me hard and I need to push through to see the success on the other side.
As Winston Churchill famously said, "If you're going through hell, don't stop"
Further reading....
Wikipedia Tuckman's stages of group development
